so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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