There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
