youre lurking in front of me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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