Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everclear isn't food dammit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
