ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
