the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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