Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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