Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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