Buhtt sex?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
