On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
