doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
