i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
pray to the hookup gods
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
