Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
