but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
