break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
id be glad to
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
