The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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