your parents love me but you hate me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
