he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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