i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
