oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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