It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
