my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
