YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
