Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
