That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
