i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
