I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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