I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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