oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
