The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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