last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
