just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
