Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
