My nipple is on Facebook.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize