Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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