Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
