i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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