i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
