she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
