Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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