Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
