omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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