You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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