Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The air taste purple.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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