I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
