A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
