I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
