I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
