Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
