Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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